*Please Note: I really do have compassion for the homeless, I promise. My Freshman year of school I raised over 10,000 lbs of food for the Crossroads Urban Center, my Sophomore year I spent my spring break in Seattle canning food for the homeless people. I give money to charity, and we pay a very generous Fast Offering. I really am not an evil person.
The homeless have been getting a bit too close to home these days, and by too close to home I mean sleeping in our front yard. Usually it has just been the same transient taking his afternoon siesta from 11:30-2:30 by the North vacuums. This bum is a nice one, he minds his own business, doesn't talk to us, drinks his entire bottle of Southern Comfort, takes his nap, and leaves for his next destination in his daily routine. He often leaves Oliver half full bottles of liquor (well, we aren't real sure if it is alcohol or urine), but he is a calm person that is just enjoying an alternative lifestyle. As of recent there has been another vagrant invading my life, this one not so nice...he digs through our garbage, makes a mess of everything, and harasses the Lot Techs (AKA teenage boys that wash and tie balloons on cars at Young Chevrolet). I never minded the homeless people until I woke up this morning at 6:30am and THERE WAS ANOTHER BUM SLEEPING ON A LAWN CHAIR IN ONE OF THE WASH BAYS. Who are these clowns, where are they coming from, and have they ever heard of Pioneer Park?
When you wake up and find a bum sleeping in a lawn chair in your car wash, there are really only 3 things that you can do:
Exhibit A: You immediately put your unlimited usage key into the car wash and start blasting the bum with soap, while shouting, "SO YOU WANTED TO KEEP DRY FROM THE RAIN AND SLEEP IN THE CAR WASH DID YA? WELL LOOK WHO IS GETTIN' WET NOW."
Exhibit B: Confront the wanderer with the following: "Ummm sir, excuse me sir. I know this whole living in a car wash thing is supposed to be a learning experience for me, and I am really trying my best to learn humility, hard work, perseverance, etc...but the thing is...I don't really want to co-habitate with vagabonds. Sorry, but Emmanuel and the guy on State Street that flashed his pubic hairs at me...they kind of ruined it for me. So if you could kindly pack up your lawn chair and get the H out of here, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you."
Exhibit C: You completely ignore the situation, get in your car, go to school, and try not to think about it.
We chose option C.
The homeless have been getting a bit too close to home these days, and by too close to home I mean sleeping in our front yard. Usually it has just been the same transient taking his afternoon siesta from 11:30-2:30 by the North vacuums. This bum is a nice one, he minds his own business, doesn't talk to us, drinks his entire bottle of Southern Comfort, takes his nap, and leaves for his next destination in his daily routine. He often leaves Oliver half full bottles of liquor (well, we aren't real sure if it is alcohol or urine), but he is a calm person that is just enjoying an alternative lifestyle. As of recent there has been another vagrant invading my life, this one not so nice...he digs through our garbage, makes a mess of everything, and harasses the Lot Techs (AKA teenage boys that wash and tie balloons on cars at Young Chevrolet). I never minded the homeless people until I woke up this morning at 6:30am and THERE WAS ANOTHER BUM SLEEPING ON A LAWN CHAIR IN ONE OF THE WASH BAYS. Who are these clowns, where are they coming from, and have they ever heard of Pioneer Park?
When you wake up and find a bum sleeping in a lawn chair in your car wash, there are really only 3 things that you can do:
Exhibit A: You immediately put your unlimited usage key into the car wash and start blasting the bum with soap, while shouting, "SO YOU WANTED TO KEEP DRY FROM THE RAIN AND SLEEP IN THE CAR WASH DID YA? WELL LOOK WHO IS GETTIN' WET NOW."
Exhibit B: Confront the wanderer with the following: "Ummm sir, excuse me sir. I know this whole living in a car wash thing is supposed to be a learning experience for me, and I am really trying my best to learn humility, hard work, perseverance, etc...but the thing is...I don't really want to co-habitate with vagabonds. Sorry, but Emmanuel and the guy on State Street that flashed his pubic hairs at me...they kind of ruined it for me. So if you could kindly pack up your lawn chair and get the H out of here, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you."
Exhibit C: You completely ignore the situation, get in your car, go to school, and try not to think about it.
We chose option C.
9 comments:
You were flashed by someone's pubic hairs! Ha..ha..that is so funny.
Lovely Carly, just lovely. Have you thought about calling the popo? I'm sure they would kindly (or not so) remove the vagabond from your dwelling. I hope you can cute Oliver are doing well!
OH NO I am so sorry! How scary for you! Call the police and let them handle it! Option A was quite amusing! Now, where was I... what happend on State Street?!!!!
Chuck! I never get tiered of reading your posts. Uou are hilarious! Keep up the good work.
You really don't have to explain yourself at the top.
Greg
Carly, I'm sorry. I know this is a serious matter and not a laughing matter, but "when you wake up and find a bum sleeping in a lawn chair in your car wash" is a really funny sentence. I mean, not a lot of us have the opportunity to find a bum sleeping in our car washes.
Oh Carly...you are way too good of a person...chose A!!
You do live on private property. You can tell them they can sit under the tree but any closer and you will call the cops and see if the problem keeps happening.
This is a good learning experience for you.
Carly,
I always invite them in and have them do some handywork for me. When Mia comes home she and see's all that i've done she's amazed. I usually get a good meal out of it for the cost of some cheeeeeep Vodka! You should try it. Have them come in when you know Ozzy will be gone for a while and just have them finish Ozzys' "To Do" list. He will think you're just swell!
carly, you crack me up. I frequently blog stalk, and yours is a favorite. : ), I'm a bit jealous that the place you live in has given you so much good blog material, not all of us can write of so many adventures in a car wash. keep up the good stories!
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