A couple days before Oliver and I got married my mother gave me the Feminine Mystique talk {totally a Beth thing}. Not only is the Feminine Mystique talk one of the most hilarious things that a human being can experience, but it is also inevitable for The Johnston Girls. Feminine Mystique basically means do not do anything gross in front of your spouse {ie, fluffing, burping, going to the bathroom}. I agree with this concept 100% {I have never been one to find it amusing when a girl acts like a Barbarian}. Although, since the move to the less developed world I have found this to be very, VERY difficult {sorry Mom}. Let's just say I haven't been feeling too hot lately.
Recently Oliver and I have been passing around the bottle of Pepto like it is a flask - a swig for upset stomach, a swig for diarrhea, and a swig for good measure. We are much more open about our comings and goings than ever before. Upon exiting the bathroom the other half immediately expects a detailed report of: how firm?, how much?, and what color? {we're simply looking out for one another}.
The other night we were walking to a restaurant, when all of a sudden I got that all too familiar feeling in my stomach. I immediately notified Oliver that we had to turn around. Upon entering our apartment I headed straight for the bathroom, I tried to take care of business, but my stomach pains must have been a false alarm. Right when I opened the bathroom door Oliver quickly stated, "Carly, you didn't try hard enough." Apparently O. had been listening intently and was not satisfied with my efforts.
...the joys of marriage.
Recently Oliver and I have been passing around the bottle of Pepto like it is a flask - a swig for upset stomach, a swig for diarrhea, and a swig for good measure. We are much more open about our comings and goings than ever before. Upon exiting the bathroom the other half immediately expects a detailed report of: how firm?, how much?, and what color? {we're simply looking out for one another}.
The other night we were walking to a restaurant, when all of a sudden I got that all too familiar feeling in my stomach. I immediately notified Oliver that we had to turn around. Upon entering our apartment I headed straight for the bathroom, I tried to take care of business, but my stomach pains must have been a false alarm. Right when I opened the bathroom door Oliver quickly stated, "Carly, you didn't try hard enough." Apparently O. had been listening intently and was not satisfied with my efforts.
...the joys of marriage.
22 comments:
haha. That is so dang funny. OH how we miss you two.
Wow, I have never heard of "Feminine Mystique!" I mean I guess I get that some women don't do those things, but I have never heard that term! Interesting concept...I never got that talk! Love the story...I was laughing out loud!!
HILARIOUS!!! Now we can have burping contests!!!
I don't think so Cass...that still sicks me out.
Your blog is so entertaining! You are too funny!! I love the Swig for this and a Swig for that!! Hope you are both feeling better!
ohh sad, I'm sorry that sounds miserable. I was laughing really hard at this post, but especially when I saw your label at the bottom: "pathetic", so funny. Its times like those that just proves it must be true love.
Carly you are just to cute!! I love your blog and I am living vicariously(sp?) through all your adventures!! Keep on blogging!! Love ya!!
Too funny. Laughed through the whole thing. Pregnancy puts a damper on the "Feminine Mystique" too. -Maeve
Carly.....I am laughing out loud at this one. I can just see you an Oliver passing the Pepto. I also loved the "feminine mystique" story. I never knew about this talk and it makes me giggle.
Why couldn't Ty get the "Feminine Mystique" talk...not fair! I asked him this morning about it and he said..."I can because I'm a man". Anyways, that post was too funny.
We'll have to wait to hike Kilimanjaro until you're gastrointestinal system recovers...and we make a lot of money...but I'm glad you're with me!
Oh man... that was so very funny! Some things just don't apply outside of the country..."Feminine Mystique" I think qualifies as one of them. Hope you feel better:)
The Honeymoons over!
"feminine mystique?" i had to give that up the first time i was hanging out with Candice and she let out this huge, loud belch. fortunately that kind of thing does not bother me. i don't if she burbs or farts, as long as she does not fart in bed after asking me to tickle her back... yeah that happened.
I guess Oliver is just interested and supporting of EVERY aspect of your life....Keep on taking care of each other! Love you guys....
Ha! Ha! It's the men who need the Feminine Mystique talk...Bruce's theory is "If it doesn't pay rent, you got to kick it out!" ugggh!
Everyone was talking about your blog at Julie's baby shower for Maeve. They all wanted to hear the Feminine Mystique talk so everytime I tried to explain it, Glo said, "I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING!" Even though she is a queen when it comes to this! I hope you don't have a parasite!
Carly, this is such a great post. So funny! We just heard at Meave's shower what "feminine Mystique" is. Very interesting stuff. Julie never passed this info along. Sometimes the guard just has to come in a marriage, huh?
Carly...this post was very funny. We got a portion of "Beth's Feminine Mystique" talk at Maeve's shower yesterday. Sorry, Beth, but after being married for 37 years there is not much "mystery" that remains.
Oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Dear Carly,
Happy Birf. I was going to tell the milk story but I wasn't sure how to word it so people could understand how hilarious it was. The butter one had to do.
All the Best,
Catherine.
I was glad to hear about the "Feminine Mystique" talk. I really missed the boat on that one. Happy Birthday Carly and keep those pepto tablets in your pocket...just keep taking them on a continuous basis. Love reading your adventures.
Post a Comment